Many years ago, I asked my mother how she decided on my name. In great anticipation, I waited for some profound meaning or story. Instead, the answer was a disappointment. “Oh, I don’t remember! You were the 4th kid!” My heart sank. Even my own mother couldn’t remember what was special about my name.
Still, I wondered about the answer to that question. So, during a conversation with my dad, I mentioned this encounter and my disappointment with my mother’s response. He immediately said, “Well, I named you! Maybe that’s why she doesn’t remember.” Then to my surprise and great pleasure, in an emboldened voice, he said, “I named you after the ‘Unsinkable’ Molly Brown!” My dad knew my story!
Determined to find more information about the “unsinkable” Molly Brown, I did a little research. I discovered that Margaret “Molly” Brown was one of the survivors from the Titanic. She was on Lifeboat 6 (the third lifeboat to launch from the sinking ship) that was filled with women, a Pomeranian and a ship’s quartermaster. As the story goes, she took control of the boat after the crewman lost hope of survival. She was said to have been a strong willed and spunky woman who’s “never say die” efforts were crucial to the survival of those in Lifeboat 6. There are several tales about the notorious “unsinkable” title; however, it would not be a stretch to say that anyone surviving the sinking of the Titanic is a miracle.
As it turns out, the having such a namesake is quite appropriate for me, given the difficulties that I have faced in my life. In spite of it all, I have somehow overcome; I have, in fact, been “unsinkable”. As much as I would like to say that I have a strong-will and “never say die” attitude like Molly Brown, I can’t. I am easily discouraged and quick to claim that the situation as “hopeless”. In truth, I am actually quite “sinkable” but I have the best life preserver that a human can have; God.
One might say that it’s an interesting coincidence between the everyday struggles that have required me to be “unsinkable” and the notorious nickname, but I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe in God-incidences and that is exactly what my name is about – God’s claim on my life, before I was even born.
Just as my earthly father knows the story of how I got my name, my heavenly Father knows the story of my life. The amazing part of that revelation is that not only does my heavenly Father know my story, but he knew it before I was born. He knew what lay ahead in my life and that my discovering such significance in my name would come at just the right time – when I needed to be reminded.
“You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest…You both precede and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head…You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb…You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” Psalm 139:3, 5, 13, 16 (NLT)
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Tammy Trent – Triumph Through Tragedy
Christian recording artist, author and speaker, Tammy Trent, joins Molly Messer to candidly share her testimony of the power of God’s restoration, healing, and hope after the tragic death of her husband while on a mission trip. After stepping away from her career for a year, Tammy returned to the stage as a featured speaker and performer at the Extraordinary Women’s Conference and subsequently joined both the Women of Faith Tour for 4 years and The Revolve Tour for teen girls for 2 years. Her bold decision to transparently share her testimony changed the trajectory of her life and career as she has ministered to women of all ages across the globe. In this interview, Tammy shares her journey and how God’s love and faithfulness can bring healing in any circumstance. For more information about Tammy, her music, books and tour information visit www.tammytrent.com.
Photo credit: www.tammytrent.com
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Rays of Light
On a Sunday afternoon several years ago, I went to the beach for my church’s beach baptism. The event seemed like a perfect opportunity to get in some long past due snorkeling time, so I got to the beach an hour or so beforehand to spend some time alone in the water. Some things had been weighing heavily on my mind and heart and I needed some time to search for peace.
Being a marine biologist, snorkeling and diving gives me great joy. There are very few things I find more peaceful than gliding through the water listening to the rhythmic sound of life eminating from the creatures of the ocean. I feel as though I am in my element.
This particular beach is one of my favorite snorkeling spots because drifting with the strong current as it sweeps parallel with the shore can give you the sensation of flying through the water. The currents and water clarity often attract a greater variety of creatures than would be typically found in the water off a beach.
In great anticipation of my “water time”, I put on my fins and headed out to deeper water where the lush seagrass carpets the bottom. I swam south against the current so that farther up the beach I could turn around and drift with the current back to where I started.
One of the most magnificent things that I had ever seen at this beach was a school of 5 spotted eagle rays; but that was years ago and although schooling fish may frequent an area for awhile, their transient nature left no guarantees of repeat performances. Still, each time I snorkeled there, I hoped that I might see some again.
This particular day while snorkeling, I saw some interesting things; a jawfish tidying up the “front porch” of its burrow, an urchin with unusually artistic camouflage composed of sponges and coral, and quite a few snappers darting around. Knowing that I had limited time to spend in the water, I looked impatiently for something really fantastic before I had to get out, but it didn’t show up.
Feeling disappointment setting in, I turned around and started to head back to shore; drifting with the current and taking my time to look around as I “flew” over the seagrass. Although the snorkeling was a good distraction, my heart was still weighed down with burden. I prayed that God would make His presence known to me; I really needed to feel Him close that day.
With those eagle rays in the back of my mind, I challenged God to show Himself to me in a clear and tangible way. In my mind I told Him that I needed to see Him in THAT specific way, “…let me see an eagle ray today God.”
I continued on my way back to shore getting into shallower waters, where one would not typically see an eagle ray; not believing that God would actually rise to the challenge. The closer I got to shore, the more disappointed I felt. “God, you let me down again.” I complained in my heart.
Then, just a few minutes after I prayed, I looked to my left and saw a “poof” in the seagrass below and a trail of bubbles heading north, running with the current. This was a tell-tale sign that something was just there, so I started to look for it. I followed the trail a bit and as I looked ahead of me, I saw it; an eagle ray! I began to follow it, drinking in its graceful, seemingly effortless movement through the water. Suspended in the current, I watched in awe when suddenly another one came up next to me on the left and followed the first one, heading down current.
Now I was really excited, and as I continued to swim with the first one, the second one banked off to the left. As I watched the second eagle ray turn away, I saw yet ANOTHER eagle ray at the edge of the visibility zone, turning around and heading south into the current! Giving a couple of swift kicks, I followed the first one that I spotted for a little bit longer as it swam off into the distance.
That day, I challenged God and at the point when my unbelief began to overwhelm me, He showed me how weak my faith was. In those moments of disappointment, I gave up on God, but He did not give up on me. Instead, God made His presence known to me in a very real and personal way. Not only had He given me the gift of one eagle ray, but He delighted me with the presence of three; the perfect number to drive His point home. God, the Father, was with me and He reminded me with the the second and third eagle rays that Jesus, His Son, and the Holy Spirit were there as well. Those three eagle rays were like rays of sunlight into my troubled world, rejuvenating my weary soul.
I was amazed and stunned at the goodness of God, as if I didn’t already know about it. Once again, He made me keenly aware of how deeply He loves me by showing me a glimpse of His glory. As I watched that last eagle ray disappear into the blue-green landscape, I could see praise trailing from its wingtips as it “flew” through the water.
I believe that if God were to show us all of the incredible things about Himself, we would be crippled and blinded by the sight. Instead, God shows us His glory in glimpses, so that we might get just a taste of how awesome He is.
“Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is that man who takes refuge in him.” Psalm 34:8
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Riding the Tides of Bipolar
I have been fascinated with the sea for as long as I can remember. So much so, that at the age of 4, I proclaimed to my dad that I would be a marine biologist when I grew up. I am not sure that he remembered that moment, but my proclamation became a reality by the time I was 21.
The ocean is rich in every way imaginable, but lately; it has been the cyclical tides that have me the most captivated. What a better way to describe the shifting moods of bipolar disorder; the mental illness that I live with daily?
Although the ocean tides seem predictable, they are not. They vary in intensity and height based on location, time of year and situation. They are not the same everywhere. Tides are much more complex than one would think, as is bipolar disorder.
Bipolar disorder was formerly known as manic-depressive illness, which in some ways is a more accurate description. The term bipolar is deceiving because it implies that there are just two parts to it – the high and the low. However, what many do not know is that there are an infinite number of degrees between the two.Much like the tides of the ocean, there are always cycles in bipolar and while there may seem to be a beginning and end, there are many stages between. The connections between the highs and lows are complex and manifest in different ways in different people. The full cycle while similar is seldom the same, even in the very same person.
Lately, the tides of my illness have brought me to a level that I have never experienced – “rapid cycling” and “mixed” episodes. Of course, I have been through cycles of the highs and lows, but up until recently, rapid cycles and mixed episodes were not a part of the reality of my illness; or maybe I was too stressed in my life to really notice.
For me, rapid cycles entail multiple tidal shifts in one day, sometimes just hours apart. If there could be a benefit to rapid cycling, it is that I can count on the tide to shift relatively quickly; all I have to do is hang on until it turns.
Mixed episodes include the depression of the lows “mixed” with the impulsiveness of the highs. There are very few benefits of mixed episodes; they are the most deadly times for anyone with this illness. My own recent experience with these types of episodes has solidified this fact in my own mind. Truthfully, I have never, ever had to fight more to keep myself alive than in the darkest moments of these tidal shifts.
So, when the rushing tides of this illness sweep through my life, I know that my own strength is simply not enough to hold on – I absolutely need God. The fact that I have bipolar disorder will never change but as I ride the tides, I find hope in knowing that God will also never change. He is always with me, even when I cannot see Him; it’s just that sometimes fighting the tides causes me to forget.
I am also learning to accept that there will be some times that are more difficult for me than others. In spite of that, I have a renewed hope. I have come to believe that God designed me for a very specific purpose – to provide some level of understanding and acceptance where others may not have the same insight.
For those who are riding the tides of bipolar or another mood disorder, I encourage you to seek out help and support, as often and as much as necessary. KNOW that God loves you equally as much in the dark times as in the light. He is always there right by your side, even when you cannot see Him. He has a plan for your life and it is one of great significance that cannot be completed without you. So hold on when the tides shift – there is hope.
“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there you hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.” ~ Psalm 139:7-10
